Norman Wisdom
This wonderful man wore many hats - he was a singer, actor, comedian and clown! I will be adding a photograph at a later date! A technical glitch is stopping it from appearing!
I was honoured to spend the day with this funny, kind and gentle man. The day was cold and damp, but he warmed our spirits and our hearts, making us laugh until the tears rolled down our faces. He was there to meet a young fan and had demanded no publicity. We had no way of knowing we were going to spend the whole day with him. On first impressions, Normal Wisdom was a frail old man - but that was an illusion. Once I got past the introduction, he sort of grew in stature and the years seemed to fall off him until, although 84 at the time, he reminded me of an 8 year old - full of fun and mischief.
What made it so special was that Norman split the day - when he was with his young fan he had eyes for only him, teaching him to do his walk, talking to him, watching his films. He didn't want to know the circumstances of why he was there because it would make him sad.
When we left he tried to get in the front seat but there was no way to do the interview if he did that so he reluctantly consented to sit in the back with me. I was in for one of the most enjoyable half hour's of my life - with some surprises along the way. I wasn't the only one in for a surprise as you will see. It was an honour to interview this man! He told me as we left that he had enjoyed the interview immensely. That really meant a lot to me - so did I!
This wonderful man wore many hats - he was a singer, actor, comedian and clown! I will be adding a photograph at a later date! A technical glitch is stopping it from appearing!
I was honoured to spend the day with this funny, kind and gentle man. The day was cold and damp, but he warmed our spirits and our hearts, making us laugh until the tears rolled down our faces. He was there to meet a young fan and had demanded no publicity. We had no way of knowing we were going to spend the whole day with him. On first impressions, Normal Wisdom was a frail old man - but that was an illusion. Once I got past the introduction, he sort of grew in stature and the years seemed to fall off him until, although 84 at the time, he reminded me of an 8 year old - full of fun and mischief.
What made it so special was that Norman split the day - when he was with his young fan he had eyes for only him, teaching him to do his walk, talking to him, watching his films. He didn't want to know the circumstances of why he was there because it would make him sad.
When we left he tried to get in the front seat but there was no way to do the interview if he did that so he reluctantly consented to sit in the back with me. I was in for one of the most enjoyable half hour's of my life - with some surprises along the way. I wasn't the only one in for a surprise as you will see. It was an honour to interview this man! He told me as we left that he had enjoyed the interview immensely. That really meant a lot to me - so did I!
Transcript of Interview with Norman Wisdom
I've got with me, Norman Wisdom who is one of the greatest comedians I've ever met -
(Interrupting) Only one of 'em? (Laughs)
(Also laughs) Correction, he is the best comedian!
Oh I don't know - I don't want to be big headed. (Chuckles)
Norman, can I just ask you first of all - how did you discover that you wanted to go into show business?
Well I was very lucky. I joined the Army when I was 14 in the band - I managed to get into the band even though I knew nothing about music. I had an interview with the bandmaster (when I'd passed the medical, of course) and then he said to me, "You want to be in the band?" and I said, "Oh yes, sir." He said, "You know all about music?" and I said, "Oh yes, sir." So he said, "Well, what's a flat?" and I said, "I don't know that one sir," (I nearly interrupted him and said I thought it was when your tyre got a puncture, but I thought I'd leave the jokes to the professionals!) So he said, "What's a sharp?" and I said, "I don't know that one either, sir." He said, "Well you don't know anything about music!" and I said, "No sir, but I'd like a chance to learn!" (We both laugh) so he felt sorry for me and he said, "Oh alright then, I'll take you!"
Two weeks later I was on my way to India and having the time of my life! Wonderful mates, football, cricket, swimming - all sorts of sport - and learning music as well. I learned the clarinet and saxophone.
Then the band used to do concerts for the troops and they used to do singing - sea shanties and things like that. So I went to the band master one day and said, "Why is it nobody sings the solo's sir?" He said, "Well, we haven't got anybody who sings solo's." So I said, "Yes you have, sir!" "Oh," he said, "let me hear you." So I sang a song and he said, "Right." The very next troop concert I sang the solo!
Excellent!
Then I went to the wash house and taught myself to tap dance! (I didn't register what he'd said at the time - he was very quick!) I went to the band master and said, "Excuse me, sir, what would it be like if somebody did a tap dance at the next troop concert?" and he said, "Wisdom, don't tell me ..." and I said, "Yes sir!" So I did a tap dance at the next troop concert, sang a song and played the clarinet and the saxophone.
I was also keen on sport - particularly boxing. I became the Flyweight Champion of the British Army in India. In the Gymnasium training I used to do boxing with an imaginary opponent - shadow boxing, of course. Then I started to let the shadow - the imaginary opponent - hit me! All the fellas used to laugh and the Entertainments Officer came along to see it. I did it in front of him and he said, "Wisdom, that is in the Concert Party!" So I started doing comedy and everything.
You just mentioned boxing. This wasn't on my list of questions actually but I have heard something about it. Didn't somebody trick you going into the ring once?
Oh yes! That was a long time - well it's a long time ago now but then it wasn't! I left school when I was 13 and when I was just 14 I walked from London to Cardiff - and I mean walked! (It was 182 miles) When I got to Cardiff I went down to the docks and managed to get a job as a cabin man - and I was on my way to the Argentines a couple of days later. It was wonderful! I was working hard - I would work from half past seven in the morning and even before then, seven o'clock in the morning until eleven o'clock at night! But the crew used to do exercising on board - and a bit of boxing. I used to watch and they said to me one day, "Do you want to have a go, son?" and I said, "Oh no, no, no thank you!" But they said, "Oh don't worry, we won't hurt you, it's alright." So I said, "Oh well alright then," and they put on boxing gloves and taught me how to box!
When we got to Argentina - Buenos Aires - they took me to a boxing booth and put me in with one of the professional boxers! (Laughs) I took a terrible bashing but I was still on my feet at the end of the fight. You used to get the prize money if you were still conscious at the end of it. But when I went to get the money afterwards, I was smothered in blood and everything, but the crew had collected the money and gone off drinking vino or whatever they call it in the pub in Argentina. But I didn't mind because I felt I'd become a banter. (The tape has a lot of background noise here, but that's what it sounds like - we were in a car on a busy dual carriageway). The following day they were rubbing my hair and saying, "Well done, son" and all that.
Changing the subject, what's your favourite film to date and why?
I'll tell you my favourite film - Gone With the Wind -
(I wish I'd let him carry on here! My only excuse is I was aware of how limited time was) Sorry, I meant one of your own -
Oh, one of mine? I haven't got a favourite film really. I like them all - some I prefer to others but I haven't got a favourite one of all. Trouble in Store is good but then there's Square Peg, then The Bulldog Breed when I'm in the Navy. On the Beat when I'm in the Police force. They're all good - I like them.
I know you've met the Queen and the Queen Mother on various occasions -
You know what? (I repeat the question) Oh yes. The Queen and I, we go to the disco together! (Laughs)
(Also laughs) What's the Queen like?
Whisky, gin - anything! Oh! I see what you mean ... what does she look like? Oh she's got grey hair and glasses (I start giggling now and he laughs more!) No, actually she is just a very nice lady. She is a lovely, lovely lady.
Didn't you break one of her vases?
Oh yes, I did! I've done 9 Command Performances but I also did a private one at Windsor Castle and, at the end of the show, when I'd finished my act as it were, I took a bow and she was applauding and they were all laughing. In front of the stage there were some steps leading down so I thought, "Well, I'll chance it!" I went down the steps - which were between the vases with all flowers on either side and everything. So I went down the steps and went close to Her Majesty and bowed, and she was smiling and applauding. Then I started to go backwards to go up the stairs, and I thought, "Oh, what the hell do I do? I can't turn around because I can't turn my back on the Queen! I continued going backwards up the steps and I slipped and fell on a bunch of flowers - and smashed the vase! I looked at the Queen, who was holding her hand to her mouth, like that (Demonstrates) It wasn't because she was annoyed - she was frightened that I might have hurt myself. But I still made her laugh. I looked at her and said, "Don't worry, Your Majesty, I'll pay!" (He smiles reminiscently at this memory and I laugh)
You've met a lot of big stars yourself - everyone from Liberace to Sean Connery, the list is endless. Who is your particular favourite star?
My favourite star? Well ... a personal favourite or ...?
(Trying to be helpful) That you've met.
Yes ... that I've met? Oh yeah, well I've worked with ... oh dear, you shouldn't ask me a question like that! Sean Connery I know very well and that ... it's terrible, I can't remember a name, isn't it awful (I laugh) You know as you get older - and I'm getting on a bit! - 3 things happen to you. First of all your memory goes and then ... I can't remember the other two! (We both laugh) No, my favourite bloke is Jason Robards - do you know him?
No, I don't -
Well we did a film in America called "The Night They Raided Minsky's" with Jason Robards and Britt Ekland, and we became good pals. He really is a smashing bloke and a very fine actor.
What's your favourite joke and who makes you laugh?
Who makes me laugh? Well, a lot of people make me laugh ... I like people who I know personally ... er Jason ... David Jason is a very good actor and very funny too.
What's been your most embarrassing moment?
I've got to think hard about that ... my word, I have. My most embarrassing moment ... well ... (Pauses)
I'm just trying to think of a name by the way! Isn't it daft! I told you I forget things. Kenny ... you know, the Liverpudlian comedian?
Kenny Everett?
No no no! Cor! Dear oh dear!
(Norman's PA shouts from the front seat) - Freddie Starr?
No, he's not from Liverpool!
He is!
Is he? Well he doesn't live there, does he, now? No, I mean the twiddle dogs ... (I just look at him blankly!)
(Anne again) Stan Boardman?
No, the Twiddle Sticks and all that - what are they called?
Ken Dodd?!
Ken Dodd, that's right! He's a good mate of mine and he's a very, very funny comedian. Brilliant! And he's still clean, that's what I like about him.
(What happened to the original question? I must concentrate!) Do you have a bad temper and what makes you angry?
Only if I was playing football and I'd missed a ball! No, I don't often lose my temper - I haven't got a bad temper ... I don't think, anyway.
I did read a story about you once though. Didn't you thump someone on the nose because they were very rude to you?
(Smiles reminiscently) Oh yeah, that was a long time ago. There was a bloke who was in the same show as me - in fact he was the star of the show. I don't think he used to like the way I used to get more applause than he did so he'd walk on the stage and say, "This is a sad moment", when I was doing pathos, Then he'd walk on when I was getting good laughs and say, "This is so funny, you must applaud this. It's the funniest joke I've ever heard!" and he'd kill it stone cold, you see, with this.
So on the last night of the tour I said, "Now don't do that again. Let's leave each other friends at least." But he said, "I do as I want to because I am the star, not you!"
When I went on stage he came on again for the last performance. He said again, "This is so funny -" so I followed him off stage and walloped him! That was that! But the manager was a friend of his actually, so he came in and said, "That's the last time you work in this theatre or, as far as I'm concerned, any theatre!" So I said, "Well in that case I've got nothing to lose, have I?!" and I hit him as well! But they are the only people I've ever fallen out with in show business.
How do you feel when fans come up to you when you're relaxing after a show?
Well I'm pleased because I used to be an errand boy at Liptons (which was another job I had when I left school, just before I became a cabin boy) and, as an errand boy, nobody took any notice of me at all. So now it's lovely. They are always shouting hello. I love to have friends ... oh yes, I'm a lucky little devil!
This is a nice ride!
It is.
Nice house they live in too ...
(Can't work out what he's talking about here ... what can I say to that? Change the subject - sorry Norman!) What are you most afraid of and do you have any phobias?
I can't think of anything that I'm afraid of.
So are you super brave?
Well yes ... reasonably. Sorry, I really can't think of anything.
Fair enough -
Oh! If I'm grooming a horse, I'd hate to get smashed in the face by the hoofs! I would be afraid of getting kicked by a horse - I've done that before, when I was in the 10th Royal Arms. (Well that's what it sounds like)
Have you ever had a dream come true?
Yes - er, do you mean -
(When will I learn?!) I don't mean that you've literally had the dream and it's come true. I mean, an ambition, you know?
I'll answer that question in a second, but I'm just going back to your question about fear.
There's no doubt about it. Any performer who is going on the stage and tells you he's not nervous is a liar! I'm nervous when I go on stage. I think I'm nervous because I'm afraid of not doing well. That would be an honest fear.
Now I'm afraid you're going to have to repeat that last question (I oblige).
Yes. I remember when I started out I dreamed - it was just a silly dream - that I would be starring at the London Palladium. I couldn't believe it. I remember - and I tell you the truth - after that first performance, which I did so well, the following morning the newspapers wrote an article on show business and headed it, "A Star is Born!" I went to the dressing room and cried.
(Touched. I give him a minute to compose himself because he looks quite emotional) You've also met Charlie Chaplin, haven't you?
Oh yes, when he was doing a film. I was in Hollywood and I telephoned the studio, somebody answered and I said, "I'm from London and I'd like to meet Charlie Chaplin." But the person who I spoke to said, "Oh no, he's working and he's very busy. I'm sorry but it's impossible." And they just put the phone down. So I went to the studio and said, "I have an appointment with Mr Chaplin". So they went to Charlie Chaplin and he came out, looked at me and said, "Norman Wisdom! Oh!" And he knew me, yes! Then I spent the rest of the day ... well, another couple of hours, at the studio while he was working and directing.
Didn't he have something special to say to you?
Yes, he did. He said, "One of these days, you will take my place."
And he was right!
Well thank you very much.
What's been the highest point of your career so far?
I think - with my first film, Trouble in Store I received a British Film Academy Award. That was a good time.
I can imagine.
But the highest point was when I was up in an aeroplane making people laugh when we were about 30,000 feet high!
(Laughs) Nobody could beat that! I guess that's literally the highest point! What is your most treasured possession?
Well I was going to say the British Film Academy Award but I don't think I'd get much for that - probably only about half a crown! (Thinks) I think it's my Rolls Royce. I don't use it very much but it's just pride of possession because I've never dreamed that I'd ever have a Rolls Royce but I have got one. Yes that's it - apart, of course, from personal things like my children.
How do you relax when you're not performing on the stage?
Watch television or videos of my films, or just relax in the chair. I do exercise every day by the way, but I don't do that on a Sunday. Then I just relax and let me flesh creak!
Now we are all in for a surprise - none more so than an unsuspecting salesman! :-)
Hey! Is that ...?! That's the BMW Showroom there! Don't worry, I want to see it! (He's really excited - I think this has made his day!)
I'm so touched by his reaction, and feel so grateful for everything he has done for us, that I have to try to help.
Can you turn around Paul?
(Anne, shouting from the front) Have we got time, Norman?!
Yes! (Very determined!) But I don't care if we haven't, I'm still going to look at the BMW showroom - (with a trace of stubbornness) If Paul would be kind enough to turn around?!
(There's nothing he can do at the moment because there are no turn-off's but he gets into position ...) I'm sure he will.
I'm sorry, I've interrupted your interview now!
It's alright. (Well, this is the least we can do for him. I don't think I'll get all my questions in now though, so I'll have to figure out the most important). Can you find somewhere to turn? (To Norman) I know cars are really your passion, aren't they?
(Very excited) BMW's are nice cars, yes. Very good!
(Might as well carry on while we can. I have a feeling he will leap out of the car as soon as it stops - mid answer if necessary) I've forgotten what I was going to ask now! If you could turn the clock back, what would you change?
The time! (I laugh!) What's up now? What?! (He's laughing now) Oh, we nearly went in the car wash there!
That was a very quick answer!
(Serious) I'll tell you what I'd do. I would ... it's difficult to tell you now. I would hope and pray that my life would be changed in ... not that I'm worried about it, but when I was in America doing Walking Happy which is the musical version of Hobson's Choice, I was in demand all over the place. Unfortunately I was married and had two kids and my wife had found somebody tall and good looking. I came back to look after my children - that was more important to me than my career. And I'm very pleased I did that!
What was the question? (I repeat it) Well if I could turn the clock back I would stop that tall, good looking bloke from meeting my wife.
(We are just pulling into the showroom and he's opening the door almost before the car has stopped!) Would you mind if we continued with this interview after you've seen the cars?
No, that's alright with me, as long as you don't mind if I just have a shufty at the cars.
Not at all.
I'm very grateful. (The tape goes off)
I should explain the break there, for the benefit of the listener. We passed a BMW showroom and Norman -
No we did not pass it! (Considers) Well, you did, and then we had to come back, that's right. I beg your pardon!
It's funny ... didn't you once park in the showroom of a motor home?
(Sneezes) Excuse me! Oh God ... (He pretends to wipe it on my chin!) You were saying? Oh dear, oh dear, I'm so sorry! (He's now pretending to wipe it down my face!) I'm alright ... no I'm not kidding, it's only a snaggle. Oh dear, it's all down your chin ... oh dear. (I'm reduced to helpless laughter because of his antics) Never mind, don't worry about t.
(Trying to get a word in and get the interview back on track - I suspect we will reach our destination pretty soon) You said you were going for an interview.
(Looks puzzled - he clearly has no memory of this incident) Parked in a showroom?
You were with Johnny Manns and you wanted somewhere to park because you couldn't get in...
I don't remember! I remember being with Johnny Manns - I've been with him loads of times - but I don't remember parking in the showroom. No. That's funny! No!
(Embarrassed) It was in your autobiography.
Was it? Oh -
Apparently you were with your son as well, and you said that you had an interview so they agreed. But it was only because you didn't want to queue up! (I genuinely thought he might have remembered when I related this to him but he definitely didn't!)
No, I don't remember that. Nothing surprises me because I know I like having a bit of fun but I don't remember that incident at all.
Sorry about that.
Oh don't be sorry, that's alright. I mean, it sounds like I enjoyed it!
(Laughs. Moving swiftly on!) What is your earliest memory?
Now strangely enough my earliest memory is being outside in the street in Fernhead Road, Paddington - just outside number 91 - and looking up in the sky where there was a great big Zeppelin. It was a German Zeppelin and it was during the First World War when I was a tiny child. I can remember it even though I was only 3. I was so excited and my mother rushed out and pulled me indoors quick because they were dropping bombs.
(I can see the hotel just ahead) Now for my last question What are your plans for the immediate future? Are there any plans to release any films?
Hopefully I'll be doing a film in the summer - it might even be in August. It's a smashing story called Adam and Evil and I'm looking forward to doing it because it's the best film script that I've ever had the privilege of reading.
Is it a comedy?
It's a comedy drama with some horror thrown in as well - sensible horror but it certainly is a lovely story. It's written by J B Priestly and I adapted it for film myself. So hopefully it will happen ... if it does I'll be delight beyond measure. If it doesn't, well ... (He blows a raspberry and laughs!)
Norman Wisdom, thank you very much! (We have now pulled up at the hotel but he is in no hurry to take his leave!)
Melanie, thank you very much indeed ... it is Melanie, isn't it?
Yes it is.
See? I know. (Sings) #Melanie ... oh yes, lovely Melanie ... I mean the melody, oh yes, the melody!# Ta ta then!
I've got with me, Norman Wisdom who is one of the greatest comedians I've ever met -
(Interrupting) Only one of 'em? (Laughs)
(Also laughs) Correction, he is the best comedian!
Oh I don't know - I don't want to be big headed. (Chuckles)
Norman, can I just ask you first of all - how did you discover that you wanted to go into show business?
Well I was very lucky. I joined the Army when I was 14 in the band - I managed to get into the band even though I knew nothing about music. I had an interview with the bandmaster (when I'd passed the medical, of course) and then he said to me, "You want to be in the band?" and I said, "Oh yes, sir." He said, "You know all about music?" and I said, "Oh yes, sir." So he said, "Well, what's a flat?" and I said, "I don't know that one sir," (I nearly interrupted him and said I thought it was when your tyre got a puncture, but I thought I'd leave the jokes to the professionals!) So he said, "What's a sharp?" and I said, "I don't know that one either, sir." He said, "Well you don't know anything about music!" and I said, "No sir, but I'd like a chance to learn!" (We both laugh) so he felt sorry for me and he said, "Oh alright then, I'll take you!"
Two weeks later I was on my way to India and having the time of my life! Wonderful mates, football, cricket, swimming - all sorts of sport - and learning music as well. I learned the clarinet and saxophone.
Then the band used to do concerts for the troops and they used to do singing - sea shanties and things like that. So I went to the band master one day and said, "Why is it nobody sings the solo's sir?" He said, "Well, we haven't got anybody who sings solo's." So I said, "Yes you have, sir!" "Oh," he said, "let me hear you." So I sang a song and he said, "Right." The very next troop concert I sang the solo!
Excellent!
Then I went to the wash house and taught myself to tap dance! (I didn't register what he'd said at the time - he was very quick!) I went to the band master and said, "Excuse me, sir, what would it be like if somebody did a tap dance at the next troop concert?" and he said, "Wisdom, don't tell me ..." and I said, "Yes sir!" So I did a tap dance at the next troop concert, sang a song and played the clarinet and the saxophone.
I was also keen on sport - particularly boxing. I became the Flyweight Champion of the British Army in India. In the Gymnasium training I used to do boxing with an imaginary opponent - shadow boxing, of course. Then I started to let the shadow - the imaginary opponent - hit me! All the fellas used to laugh and the Entertainments Officer came along to see it. I did it in front of him and he said, "Wisdom, that is in the Concert Party!" So I started doing comedy and everything.
You just mentioned boxing. This wasn't on my list of questions actually but I have heard something about it. Didn't somebody trick you going into the ring once?
Oh yes! That was a long time - well it's a long time ago now but then it wasn't! I left school when I was 13 and when I was just 14 I walked from London to Cardiff - and I mean walked! (It was 182 miles) When I got to Cardiff I went down to the docks and managed to get a job as a cabin man - and I was on my way to the Argentines a couple of days later. It was wonderful! I was working hard - I would work from half past seven in the morning and even before then, seven o'clock in the morning until eleven o'clock at night! But the crew used to do exercising on board - and a bit of boxing. I used to watch and they said to me one day, "Do you want to have a go, son?" and I said, "Oh no, no, no thank you!" But they said, "Oh don't worry, we won't hurt you, it's alright." So I said, "Oh well alright then," and they put on boxing gloves and taught me how to box!
When we got to Argentina - Buenos Aires - they took me to a boxing booth and put me in with one of the professional boxers! (Laughs) I took a terrible bashing but I was still on my feet at the end of the fight. You used to get the prize money if you were still conscious at the end of it. But when I went to get the money afterwards, I was smothered in blood and everything, but the crew had collected the money and gone off drinking vino or whatever they call it in the pub in Argentina. But I didn't mind because I felt I'd become a banter. (The tape has a lot of background noise here, but that's what it sounds like - we were in a car on a busy dual carriageway). The following day they were rubbing my hair and saying, "Well done, son" and all that.
Changing the subject, what's your favourite film to date and why?
I'll tell you my favourite film - Gone With the Wind -
(I wish I'd let him carry on here! My only excuse is I was aware of how limited time was) Sorry, I meant one of your own -
Oh, one of mine? I haven't got a favourite film really. I like them all - some I prefer to others but I haven't got a favourite one of all. Trouble in Store is good but then there's Square Peg, then The Bulldog Breed when I'm in the Navy. On the Beat when I'm in the Police force. They're all good - I like them.
I know you've met the Queen and the Queen Mother on various occasions -
You know what? (I repeat the question) Oh yes. The Queen and I, we go to the disco together! (Laughs)
(Also laughs) What's the Queen like?
Whisky, gin - anything! Oh! I see what you mean ... what does she look like? Oh she's got grey hair and glasses (I start giggling now and he laughs more!) No, actually she is just a very nice lady. She is a lovely, lovely lady.
Didn't you break one of her vases?
Oh yes, I did! I've done 9 Command Performances but I also did a private one at Windsor Castle and, at the end of the show, when I'd finished my act as it were, I took a bow and she was applauding and they were all laughing. In front of the stage there were some steps leading down so I thought, "Well, I'll chance it!" I went down the steps - which were between the vases with all flowers on either side and everything. So I went down the steps and went close to Her Majesty and bowed, and she was smiling and applauding. Then I started to go backwards to go up the stairs, and I thought, "Oh, what the hell do I do? I can't turn around because I can't turn my back on the Queen! I continued going backwards up the steps and I slipped and fell on a bunch of flowers - and smashed the vase! I looked at the Queen, who was holding her hand to her mouth, like that (Demonstrates) It wasn't because she was annoyed - she was frightened that I might have hurt myself. But I still made her laugh. I looked at her and said, "Don't worry, Your Majesty, I'll pay!" (He smiles reminiscently at this memory and I laugh)
You've met a lot of big stars yourself - everyone from Liberace to Sean Connery, the list is endless. Who is your particular favourite star?
My favourite star? Well ... a personal favourite or ...?
(Trying to be helpful) That you've met.
Yes ... that I've met? Oh yeah, well I've worked with ... oh dear, you shouldn't ask me a question like that! Sean Connery I know very well and that ... it's terrible, I can't remember a name, isn't it awful (I laugh) You know as you get older - and I'm getting on a bit! - 3 things happen to you. First of all your memory goes and then ... I can't remember the other two! (We both laugh) No, my favourite bloke is Jason Robards - do you know him?
No, I don't -
Well we did a film in America called "The Night They Raided Minsky's" with Jason Robards and Britt Ekland, and we became good pals. He really is a smashing bloke and a very fine actor.
What's your favourite joke and who makes you laugh?
Who makes me laugh? Well, a lot of people make me laugh ... I like people who I know personally ... er Jason ... David Jason is a very good actor and very funny too.
What's been your most embarrassing moment?
I've got to think hard about that ... my word, I have. My most embarrassing moment ... well ... (Pauses)
I'm just trying to think of a name by the way! Isn't it daft! I told you I forget things. Kenny ... you know, the Liverpudlian comedian?
Kenny Everett?
No no no! Cor! Dear oh dear!
(Norman's PA shouts from the front seat) - Freddie Starr?
No, he's not from Liverpool!
He is!
Is he? Well he doesn't live there, does he, now? No, I mean the twiddle dogs ... (I just look at him blankly!)
(Anne again) Stan Boardman?
No, the Twiddle Sticks and all that - what are they called?
Ken Dodd?!
Ken Dodd, that's right! He's a good mate of mine and he's a very, very funny comedian. Brilliant! And he's still clean, that's what I like about him.
(What happened to the original question? I must concentrate!) Do you have a bad temper and what makes you angry?
Only if I was playing football and I'd missed a ball! No, I don't often lose my temper - I haven't got a bad temper ... I don't think, anyway.
I did read a story about you once though. Didn't you thump someone on the nose because they were very rude to you?
(Smiles reminiscently) Oh yeah, that was a long time ago. There was a bloke who was in the same show as me - in fact he was the star of the show. I don't think he used to like the way I used to get more applause than he did so he'd walk on the stage and say, "This is a sad moment", when I was doing pathos, Then he'd walk on when I was getting good laughs and say, "This is so funny, you must applaud this. It's the funniest joke I've ever heard!" and he'd kill it stone cold, you see, with this.
So on the last night of the tour I said, "Now don't do that again. Let's leave each other friends at least." But he said, "I do as I want to because I am the star, not you!"
When I went on stage he came on again for the last performance. He said again, "This is so funny -" so I followed him off stage and walloped him! That was that! But the manager was a friend of his actually, so he came in and said, "That's the last time you work in this theatre or, as far as I'm concerned, any theatre!" So I said, "Well in that case I've got nothing to lose, have I?!" and I hit him as well! But they are the only people I've ever fallen out with in show business.
How do you feel when fans come up to you when you're relaxing after a show?
Well I'm pleased because I used to be an errand boy at Liptons (which was another job I had when I left school, just before I became a cabin boy) and, as an errand boy, nobody took any notice of me at all. So now it's lovely. They are always shouting hello. I love to have friends ... oh yes, I'm a lucky little devil!
This is a nice ride!
It is.
Nice house they live in too ...
(Can't work out what he's talking about here ... what can I say to that? Change the subject - sorry Norman!) What are you most afraid of and do you have any phobias?
I can't think of anything that I'm afraid of.
So are you super brave?
Well yes ... reasonably. Sorry, I really can't think of anything.
Fair enough -
Oh! If I'm grooming a horse, I'd hate to get smashed in the face by the hoofs! I would be afraid of getting kicked by a horse - I've done that before, when I was in the 10th Royal Arms. (Well that's what it sounds like)
Have you ever had a dream come true?
Yes - er, do you mean -
(When will I learn?!) I don't mean that you've literally had the dream and it's come true. I mean, an ambition, you know?
I'll answer that question in a second, but I'm just going back to your question about fear.
There's no doubt about it. Any performer who is going on the stage and tells you he's not nervous is a liar! I'm nervous when I go on stage. I think I'm nervous because I'm afraid of not doing well. That would be an honest fear.
Now I'm afraid you're going to have to repeat that last question (I oblige).
Yes. I remember when I started out I dreamed - it was just a silly dream - that I would be starring at the London Palladium. I couldn't believe it. I remember - and I tell you the truth - after that first performance, which I did so well, the following morning the newspapers wrote an article on show business and headed it, "A Star is Born!" I went to the dressing room and cried.
(Touched. I give him a minute to compose himself because he looks quite emotional) You've also met Charlie Chaplin, haven't you?
Oh yes, when he was doing a film. I was in Hollywood and I telephoned the studio, somebody answered and I said, "I'm from London and I'd like to meet Charlie Chaplin." But the person who I spoke to said, "Oh no, he's working and he's very busy. I'm sorry but it's impossible." And they just put the phone down. So I went to the studio and said, "I have an appointment with Mr Chaplin". So they went to Charlie Chaplin and he came out, looked at me and said, "Norman Wisdom! Oh!" And he knew me, yes! Then I spent the rest of the day ... well, another couple of hours, at the studio while he was working and directing.
Didn't he have something special to say to you?
Yes, he did. He said, "One of these days, you will take my place."
And he was right!
Well thank you very much.
What's been the highest point of your career so far?
I think - with my first film, Trouble in Store I received a British Film Academy Award. That was a good time.
I can imagine.
But the highest point was when I was up in an aeroplane making people laugh when we were about 30,000 feet high!
(Laughs) Nobody could beat that! I guess that's literally the highest point! What is your most treasured possession?
Well I was going to say the British Film Academy Award but I don't think I'd get much for that - probably only about half a crown! (Thinks) I think it's my Rolls Royce. I don't use it very much but it's just pride of possession because I've never dreamed that I'd ever have a Rolls Royce but I have got one. Yes that's it - apart, of course, from personal things like my children.
How do you relax when you're not performing on the stage?
Watch television or videos of my films, or just relax in the chair. I do exercise every day by the way, but I don't do that on a Sunday. Then I just relax and let me flesh creak!
Now we are all in for a surprise - none more so than an unsuspecting salesman! :-)
Hey! Is that ...?! That's the BMW Showroom there! Don't worry, I want to see it! (He's really excited - I think this has made his day!)
I'm so touched by his reaction, and feel so grateful for everything he has done for us, that I have to try to help.
Can you turn around Paul?
(Anne, shouting from the front) Have we got time, Norman?!
Yes! (Very determined!) But I don't care if we haven't, I'm still going to look at the BMW showroom - (with a trace of stubbornness) If Paul would be kind enough to turn around?!
(There's nothing he can do at the moment because there are no turn-off's but he gets into position ...) I'm sure he will.
I'm sorry, I've interrupted your interview now!
It's alright. (Well, this is the least we can do for him. I don't think I'll get all my questions in now though, so I'll have to figure out the most important). Can you find somewhere to turn? (To Norman) I know cars are really your passion, aren't they?
(Very excited) BMW's are nice cars, yes. Very good!
(Might as well carry on while we can. I have a feeling he will leap out of the car as soon as it stops - mid answer if necessary) I've forgotten what I was going to ask now! If you could turn the clock back, what would you change?
The time! (I laugh!) What's up now? What?! (He's laughing now) Oh, we nearly went in the car wash there!
That was a very quick answer!
(Serious) I'll tell you what I'd do. I would ... it's difficult to tell you now. I would hope and pray that my life would be changed in ... not that I'm worried about it, but when I was in America doing Walking Happy which is the musical version of Hobson's Choice, I was in demand all over the place. Unfortunately I was married and had two kids and my wife had found somebody tall and good looking. I came back to look after my children - that was more important to me than my career. And I'm very pleased I did that!
What was the question? (I repeat it) Well if I could turn the clock back I would stop that tall, good looking bloke from meeting my wife.
(We are just pulling into the showroom and he's opening the door almost before the car has stopped!) Would you mind if we continued with this interview after you've seen the cars?
No, that's alright with me, as long as you don't mind if I just have a shufty at the cars.
Not at all.
I'm very grateful. (The tape goes off)
I should explain the break there, for the benefit of the listener. We passed a BMW showroom and Norman -
No we did not pass it! (Considers) Well, you did, and then we had to come back, that's right. I beg your pardon!
It's funny ... didn't you once park in the showroom of a motor home?
(Sneezes) Excuse me! Oh God ... (He pretends to wipe it on my chin!) You were saying? Oh dear, oh dear, I'm so sorry! (He's now pretending to wipe it down my face!) I'm alright ... no I'm not kidding, it's only a snaggle. Oh dear, it's all down your chin ... oh dear. (I'm reduced to helpless laughter because of his antics) Never mind, don't worry about t.
(Trying to get a word in and get the interview back on track - I suspect we will reach our destination pretty soon) You said you were going for an interview.
(Looks puzzled - he clearly has no memory of this incident) Parked in a showroom?
You were with Johnny Manns and you wanted somewhere to park because you couldn't get in...
I don't remember! I remember being with Johnny Manns - I've been with him loads of times - but I don't remember parking in the showroom. No. That's funny! No!
(Embarrassed) It was in your autobiography.
Was it? Oh -
Apparently you were with your son as well, and you said that you had an interview so they agreed. But it was only because you didn't want to queue up! (I genuinely thought he might have remembered when I related this to him but he definitely didn't!)
No, I don't remember that. Nothing surprises me because I know I like having a bit of fun but I don't remember that incident at all.
Sorry about that.
Oh don't be sorry, that's alright. I mean, it sounds like I enjoyed it!
(Laughs. Moving swiftly on!) What is your earliest memory?
Now strangely enough my earliest memory is being outside in the street in Fernhead Road, Paddington - just outside number 91 - and looking up in the sky where there was a great big Zeppelin. It was a German Zeppelin and it was during the First World War when I was a tiny child. I can remember it even though I was only 3. I was so excited and my mother rushed out and pulled me indoors quick because they were dropping bombs.
(I can see the hotel just ahead) Now for my last question What are your plans for the immediate future? Are there any plans to release any films?
Hopefully I'll be doing a film in the summer - it might even be in August. It's a smashing story called Adam and Evil and I'm looking forward to doing it because it's the best film script that I've ever had the privilege of reading.
Is it a comedy?
It's a comedy drama with some horror thrown in as well - sensible horror but it certainly is a lovely story. It's written by J B Priestly and I adapted it for film myself. So hopefully it will happen ... if it does I'll be delight beyond measure. If it doesn't, well ... (He blows a raspberry and laughs!)
Norman Wisdom, thank you very much! (We have now pulled up at the hotel but he is in no hurry to take his leave!)
Melanie, thank you very much indeed ... it is Melanie, isn't it?
Yes it is.
See? I know. (Sings) #Melanie ... oh yes, lovely Melanie ... I mean the melody, oh yes, the melody!# Ta ta then!