Hope!
Suzy sighed happily as she walked along the road, quietly taking in her surroundings and relishing the sounds of Japan. At last, against all the odds, her dream of visiting the country had come true. Ideally she would have liked to come in the summer, but you can’t have it all ways, can you? Being March, it was slightly colder than she would have liked but that was a small price to pay to actually be here.
Ever since she had been a little girl, Suzy had loved all things connected with Japan - even the food appealed to her, much to the amusement of the rest of her family who were very conservative in their tastes. British fish and chips was about their level!
She sighed. That was one of the few problems with this adventure - nobody had wanted to come with her, no matter how much she pleaded and cajoled. They just weren’t interested in culture or foreign travel. The minute she found out she had the money, she had booked this holiday for the first date available - alone!
She rubbed her back as she paused. She had arrived yesterday on her birthday, April 20th, after 18 years of wishing and hoping. Even that selfish boyfriend of hers had refused to come. Why couldn’t anyone, if not accept her love of Japan and the reasons she wanted to come, then at least respect them? She was always so accepting of their views …
She winced and had to stop walking for a minute. Her back was aching more than usual - she must have slept awkwardly, or maybe the long flight had something to do with it. She rubbed it gently, and sat down on the sea wall, waiting for it to pass. Closing her eyes, she smiled as she took in the sounds and smells that assailed her.
This really did feel like home, just as she’d hoped. She felt totally comfortable in her surroundings and, despite being blind, had a fair idea of what the place looked like because she had lived here hundreds of years ago - perhaps as far back as the 17th century. It was the life she had been happiest in but, until today, she had never been able to return. Although she didn’t know exactly what it looked like now, she concentrated on the sounds and smells which painted a vivid picture and created map of the area in her mind, which she could visualize easily.
That was one of the few good things about being blind - all the other senses seemed to strengthen as though they were sympathetic to her loss of eyesight and wanted to compensate in some way. Her sense of smell was particularly heightened, and she could hear a pin drop easily. This heightened awareness helped her to have a sense of her surroundings – she sometimes thought she was more aware than sighted people, as strange as that sounded. Obviously she still needed her white stick but that was only to help her find the pavements or any other obstacles.
She knew she was near the sea because she could taste the salt in the air. It took only a few seconds for her to position herself facing it - the salt in the air was less when she had her back to the sea. It was very strong now. She rubbed her back, harder this time. No, it had to be wind - or that sushi she’d eaten last night. The pain was making her feel slightly sick because it was increasing in its intensity.
She thought back to her life just 6 months earlier, and how different everything had been.
* * * * *
She had always been a bookish, quiet girl and rarely rebelled, even as a teenager. She would just skulk off to her room and slam the door shut behind her, or cut her eyes at the person who had upset her.
She had been happy with Gavin, her boyfriend of 2 years and hoped to marry him some day soon. He was so romantic! On Valentine’s Day this year, only a month ago, he had arrived at her house with a huge bouquet of red roses, hair slicked back and everyone told her he looked very handsome (“He scrubbed up well,” said her tactless father). Not content with flowers, he whisked her away to her favourite Japanese restaurant, even though he knew she would never see the inside of it for herself. He spent the evening describing everything in finite detail and explaining to her in simple terms where food was on the plate. “Sushi is at 2 o’clock,” he told her and went on to tell her how the waitresses were dressed and how the place was decorated. He had been so caring that night!
Suzy had been afraid to tell him that she was permanently blind now because she didn’t want him to walk away as most men his age would. She could remember how gentle he was with her when she plucked up the courage to tell him. Tears filled her eyes and she looked down at her knees, feeling his hands entwined in hers. She took a deep breath, her lips trembling and her heart pounding as she realized she couldn’t answer his question until he knew the full truth - she had to give him a way out if he wanted it.
“I would love to marry you Gavin. You’ve made me the happiest girl in the world. But I have to tell you something first. If you still want to marry me then we’ll set a date as soon as I get back from Japan.” She paused to collect her thoughts. “Although I function very well, I am limited. You know I had meningitis as a child and lost the sight in one eye?” He nodded and she felt him open his mouth to protest so she stopped it by putting her finger to his mouth. “Hush, let me finish. Well, shortly before I met you I was ill again - seems I’m dogged by health problems like the rest of my family. Anyway, I was beginning to get a lot of headaches and was tired all the time so I went to the doctor, not expecting anything to be seriously wrong. I thought maybe I was anaemic but the test results were a shock. I have Cancer and am diabetic but nobody realized until now. The diabetes could have been present since I was a child and that’s what affected my eyesight, but the Cancer is my main problem now. It has taken my sight forever. I will never again be able to see your handsome face, and when we are out together you will have to link me or I won’t know where you are - you know what you’re like for wandering off. I have taken a cookery course so I could still make your tea, but all of this is going to take a lot of adjusting to.
“I love you, Gavin, with all my heart, but I think you have a right to know what you’re letting yourself in for. Are you strong enough to take on this huge responsibility? Although I’ll be devastated, I will understand if you want to walk away now. You’ll find someone else who will be worthy of your love in time. If you stay, I’m worried that you will come to resent me.”
She could tell Gavin was completely shocked - this was the last thing he’d expected to hear. She’d had a few weeks to get used to the idea - she was still trying to adapt and accept it, if she was honest - but she had sprung this on him suddenly. He was as still as a statue as her cruel words settled in around him like a heavy cloak.
At the time he had assured her that nothing could stop him loving her, whether she was blind or not. He ran his hand through her long, dark hair, feeling sick when a chunk came through in his hands - a result of the chemotherapy she had already started. It wasn’t fair - she was so young and beautiful. She didn’t deserve to have to go through this. He made all the usual platitudes - that they’d find the best doctors, there must be some mistake, she could make it through this (that much she was certain of because she knew she would live to be an old woman). He’d kissed her softly as he left, his eyes full of tears which she felt on her cheeks.
For a few days he tried hard, doing everything he could to make her feel better - and irritating the hell out of her as he treated her with kid gloves. She kept telling him she wouldn’t break, and she had lived with reduced eyesight for many years so she would soon adapt, given a little time. One day she realized he was sat on the edge of his chair - he hadn’t wanted to pull the chair out enough to sit on in case she fell over it.
But that level of consideration could not continue forever. He was struggling to cope with this and became snappy, shouting at her over the least thing. They seemed to spend their life apologising to each other.
Then it was time to pack for Japan. She had been getting increasingly excited. Throughout her life she had been aware that she had once been a lovely Japanese girl who was a very talented artist - a passion she seemed to have carried over to this life. She knew she had been famous and if she went there she would be able to trace her roots, and maybe some of her descendants, although naturally she wouldn’t reveal that they were kind of related. It would be enough just to meet them.
Gavin, on the other hand, seemed to be becoming less enthralled by the idea as time went on until one night she forced the issue. She could feel the tears welling up now as she thought about the row they had had. Both had said things that were better left unsaid, unkind, hurtful accusations - and, in her case, unfair. The row shocked her because she didn’t know she had it in her - she usually just accepted other people’s decisions, no matter what effect it had on her, but this time she hit back. She did everything for others, but the first time she asked for it back she was told she was being selfish, expecting people to do her bidding. Apparently he had never wanted to go to Japan in the first place and now he had the perfect excuse not to go. He even had the gall to tell her he thought it would be too much for her! Suddenly something snapped and, with tears running down her face, she told him they were finished. It was their first ever row and she was frightened when he didn’t call her for a few days. That was one side of her personality that drove both of them crazy, her insecurity.
They made it up just before she left, of course, although it was touch and go because he had the cheek to tell her he knew she didn’t mean it and he was pleased she’d seen sense at last - she didn’t have to go to Japan, he would take her somewhere else, a tour of Europe perhaps, or Italy. But she didn’t want to go there and she had to accept that he didn’t want to compromise his opinions either.
He had taken her to the airport and they had a tearful farewell. She promised to call him when she got to the hotel and was then helped through airport security. She could feel his eyes on her as she left and knew he wouldn’t leave until the plane left, hoping she would change her mind at the last minute and not get on it.
* * * * *
But she had made it onto the plane with the help of the airport staff, and here she was, in Japan, facing the sea, frightened and alone. The chemo had left her feeling sick and emotional but she was in remission now, which was something to be thankful for.
What did she have to do to get rid of this pain? She had to be very careful what medication she took - but it seemed to be rolling around a bit so it must be wind. She took out the packet of love hearts sweets she always kept in her handbag in case of emergency. That should shift it.
She sat there in the sweltering sun, slowly relaxing after the stresses of the last few months. Suddenly she stiffened - what was that rumbling noise? She was pretty sure she wasn’t near to a railway station so it couldn’t be the famous bullet train! No, this was louder and seemed to be vibrating under her feet.
Seized with panic she turned around and fled the area as fast as she could. Whatever it was she didn’t like it! Her instincts had saved her numerous times in the past and she knew she couldn’t afford to ignore them this time. She knew she had to get away from the beach!
Obviously running was out of the question because she was likely to fall over, but she made sure she was headed away from the shore.
The roaring intensified and she thought she could hear people screaming. This was one time when being blind was frightening - she couldn’t see what was happening and could only use her rather vivid imagination. Her other senses (especially those of smell and taste) were working overtime and she was assailed by spinning images caused by her being able to taste, smell and hear so much at the same time. It became so confusing that it was simply a cacophony of noise.
Her mind went blank as she concentrated on just one goal - it was amazing how easy it was to cut off those senses when you were concentrating on something else - as she focussed intently on putting as much distance between herself and whatever was causing the rumbling.
Her heart seemed to be trying to hammer its way out of her chest so she was unable to comprehend what was happening when she was hit hard from behind by what felt like a camper van and a wave of water.
“Tsunami!” Her brain screamed, but that was all she could think before she was knocked unconscious.
What seemed like hours later she woke up, coughing an spluttering with no idea where she was or what had happened. All she knew when she came round was she was in more pain than she had ever experienced before - at least 2 broken bones, she thought, perhaps in her leg and arm. She knew she had been very wet because her clothes were still damp, especially her skirt. There was an intense pain in her back too - clearly those love hearts hadn’t done the trick.
The quality of the light had changed as well, making her think she had been unconscious for quite some time.
She was completely covered in debris - bits of wood and glass had reined over her and she was trapped. She couldn’t move an inch and started to scream for help, trying to push some of the wood way from her. Eventually it gave but more came down in its place - unknown to her it had been protecting her from the mess above. She suffered a full blown panic attack, something she hadn’t experienced since she was a child at school.
School … why did that seem important now? What had her schoolbooks said about enclosed spaces?
She calmed down as she mentally scanned the images of pages in her school science books, for the first time glad that she had a photographic memory. There it was! It wasn’t in a book at all, but her teacher, Dr Jackson, had told the class that there was sometimes a small pocket of air which kept victims alive as long as they didn’t use it up by screaming and panicking. She realized this was exactly what she had been doing and putting her life in danger.
She knew she would survive this - she had been told by a medium that, unlike many other lives she had led, this time she was going to live a very long life, something which pleased her immensely. If that was the case then all she had to do was sit tight … unless the medium was wrong, a little voice inside her head cried, trying its best to get her attention. But she wasn’t going to give tear the satisfaction and lay back, feeling strangely dreamy, wondering if she was going into shock.
It was cold and her skirt seemed to become even damper as time wore on. Perhaps she was lying in a very shallow river bank somewhere. The sound of water cascading seemed to have stopped now, which she hoped was a good sign.
She didn’t know how long she lay there, shivering, in pain and feeling uncomfortable, but eventually she heard a noise. At first she thought it was scratching - maybe the mice and rats had started rummaging around. But no, it sounded like there were voices above her and the debris seemed to be shifting slightly, as though someone was walking on it.
She listened hard, wondering whether they would hear her if she shouted or if she was simply wasting her precious pocket of air. Wincing at the pain of what felt like a punctured lung (she thought she could feel blood bubbling as she breathed), she took a deep breath - someone needed to know she was there. She could at least try or her biggest fear really would come true and she would die young once again.
Her voice sounded hoarse to her - almost unlike her own which she put down to the fact that her surroundings were altering sound. She couldn’t make out how far away the rescuers were but hopefully they would hear her if she continued to make some sort of noise.
To conserve her energy, Suzy tried to time her outbursts to every 15 minutes and she would let loose a scream that would rival the Wicked Witch of the West any day.
It seemed to be going darker and she became more afraid as she realized that it was evening now. The sun must have gone down a long time ago.
Then a miracle happened. She felt she had been down there forever and was beginning to doubt the wisdom of continuing to shout, when she heard it. A voice calling to her from the distance, telling her that help was on its way. He was trying to get to her but she needed to keep shouting so he would know he was in the right place.
She continued with renewed vigour, filled with joy and not even caring about the pain which seemed to be intensifying by the minute. At least when they took her to hospital she would given some drugs to help her with that, wouldn’t she?
It seemed like a lifetime before she sensed some movement above her. Clearly the rescuer was here. She was saved.
“Are you alright, sweetheart?”
The man sounded fairly young, not much older than her. She breathed a sigh of relief - she had half imagined an older man who would not be able to lift her.
“Yes, I’m OK. Keep digging right where you are.”
“I can see you! You’re pretty jammed in but you’ll be out of there soon, I promise.” He paused to get his breath back. “Thank God there’s somebody else around. I was digging myself out when I heard your faint shout. Sorry it took so long to get to you. Help is on its way.”
Her heart sank … he wasn’t going to save her.
“Sorry love … I should explain why I’m not exactly your Knight in Shining Armour but I can and will help you.” He crawled awkwardly through the gap and dropped down to sit beside her. “I have a detached retina which means that sometimes I can see, but more often than not I can’t - I don’t think that knock on the back of my head will have helped anything! I can’t see a thing now but I’m so used to being blind that I can do pretty much whatever I want. It’s not a disability really, it’s an ABILITY because I can hear, taste, smell and touch so much better.” At this he touched her face and she couldn’t help the bubble of laughter that came out her.
“You’re blind too? I don’t believe it!”
“I take it you’re blind - hang on, I think you’re quite badly hurt. We can talk while I’m checking you over but I can smell a lot of blood and … well, other stuff.” He wrinkled his nose and got to work, feeling along her body, searching for any serious injuries. He felt for a piece of wood, found her arm and gently rested it on it, correctly identifying it was badly broken. He acted on instinct, calmly sensing any major problems and trying to find the bleeding.
“You’re skirt is soaking, love.”
“I know - am I in a stream or something?”
“No, I think you’re on the pavement but it’s hard to be sure. It feels like concrete below you. The wetness seems to be blood - I wish I could see properly. Where is the worst of the pain? Don’t move whatever you do. I have utilized an alarm to say I need help so somebody will be here soon. In the meantime I will stay with you. Two of us together will be less frightened than we would on our own.”
“Thank you, that’s very kind.” Stupidly she added, “Are you sure I’m not keeping you?”
“Not at all,” he laughed. “I don’t think either of us can go anywhere for a while. You were trapped below me. I couldn’t leave you here though, I had to check you were OK.”
“I really appreciate that – some people would have just looked after their own interests and scarpered. What happened back there, do you know? Was it a Tsunami?”
He nodded, sagely. “I reckon so. Bad one too, to trap me down here - we are quite high up you know - I never go down to the beach. Is that where you were?”
She nodded, speechless, until she realized he couldn’t see her. “Yes, but I started to run … I don’t remember much. OOOWWWWWWWWWWW!”
“Hey, are you OK?”
“Do I SOUND OK?! I’ve been having pains in my back all day which I put down to the sushi but they are so much worse now. Please, hold my hand. I’m frightened.”
He reached out, searching for her hand and then grasping it tightly. The grip was a source of strength for both of them, a reassurance that they were in this together.
The smell of blood was too strong to ignore now and he pressed his alarm again, despite being sure they would respond shortly. He breathed a sigh of relief when he felt it buzz back, a sign they had heard and could trace the signal at last. He wished he could speak to them and explain he was not alone and the person he was with seemed badly injured, then they could arrange an ambulance or something - at least he knew they would both be safe soon.
The pains were intensifying and pure terror ripped through Suzy. What was wrong with her? If this was her time of the month - and it could be - it seemed to be particularly bad. Without warning she got the urge to push - that was bizarre but she couldn’t help herself.
The pains came more frequently and she was bathed in sweat but still they wouldn’t let up. Then it came to her as a bolt from the blue. She had seen all those videos (well, heard them mostly, she kept her eyes closed throughout most of them) but she hadn’t had any of the symptoms. She’d put on a little bit of weight around her midriff but nothing to be alarmed about - shouldn’t she have put weight on her tummy? She hadn’t missed a period, so far as she could tell … but there was no mistaking what was happening - the wetness was not sea water. Her waters had broken and now she was bleeding because SHE WAS HAVING A BABY! The scream rent the air as realization hit her. She knew Gavin was not ready for children - in fact, he’d made it clear that he didn’t want any. How would he react when he was presented with his son or daughter?!
Thank God that this stranger - he had told her his name was Andy - was here. It had to be Fate. He was so strong and calm, exactly what she needed at the moment. After the terror, another emotion engulfed her - a surreal calm.
“Andy, I need your help but it may be embarrassing …”
“I’ll do whatever I can, love. Don’t worry.”
“I don’t know if you’ve realized what is going on, but I think I’m having a baby. Can you check below my skirt and tell me what’s happening? Oh sorry, I -!”
“No trouble, but I’ll have to check by touch. Bear with me. I’ve got long arms so I’ll keep hold of you with one hand if that will help.”
With that he reached over and lifted her skirt, freezing for an instant when he felt the lump which was clearly the baby’s head coming through.
“Suzy, I’ve got a knife in my pocket - don’t worry, it’s a pen knife and it’s more a keepsake than anything useful because it was a gift from my father. I’m going to have to cut off your underwear or you will strangle this little baby. Is that OK?”
“Fine, just do what you have to do.”
Some minutes later she gave an almighty push and a beautiful baby girl slithered onto Andy’s hands. He felt around her, checking as best he could to see she was OK and accidentally clearing the mucus away. There was a horrible silence but then she let out her first cry and Suzy joined her, weeping with relief.
Andy handed the baby girl to her mother and the two bonded together, the little girl feeding off her mother, blissfully unaware of the drama of her birth.
“Hello, little one. You’re a wonderful surprise! I didn’t expect to be bringing a baby home from my holiday. You might have to have a Japanese birth certificate, how about that?
“What are you going to call her?” asked Andy softly, almost unwilling to break into this beautiful moment with mother and daughter.
Lizzie didn’t hesitate. “Hope,” she said. “After everything we’ve been through - you and this country included - she is like a symbol of hope that everything will be OK. Does that sound silly?”
“Not at all! I agree with you!”
The trio settled down into quiet, contemplative silence while Suzy rested. Occasionally, when she felt up to it, they would talk and she discovered that they had a lot in common. Because of the stress she didn’t register at first, but now he mentioned that he came from her home town she recognised his accent. He was on holiday here too, he said, recovering from a broken relationship.
It took a while but slowly, bit by bit, she realised that he was related to Gavin - his brother, in fact! That had been one reason that Gavin had felt awkward about dealing with her blindness - he already had a brother who was going through it and struggled to cope with that. He didn’t want to be carer to two people.
Well, now he was carer to at least two - if not three people. Hope needed her father and his brave brother would be a great role model for both of them. He was an inspiration to people who were afraid to try things just because they were blind.
Andy had never given up his travel dreams just because of his disabilities - he accepted them as a challenge to be overcome. She smiled - he would make a perfect uncle … regardless of whether Gavin stepped up to the mark.
At that moment they heard a commotion and Andy smiled - the rescuers were here at last.
It took a couple of hours to dig their way to Suzy but once they got there they quickly assessed the situation and got all three of them out to safety before calling for an air ambulance to take them to hospital. Andy accepted the well earned congratulations for delivering the baby safety and grinned, wondering if they thought he was the father.
It was only when they got onto the air ambulance and Suzy was told what had happened and how much damage the tsunami had done, that she realized just how lucky they had been.
Tears of sadness poured down her face and she clutched her baby closely as she thought of all the lives that had been changed and devastated that day. The whole area was destroyed and it felt as though Hope really did symbolize that there may be survivors in the wreckage of what had once been a beautiful country. As soon as she got back to England, despite knowing she was going to have her hands full, she was determined to raise some money to help the Japanese rebuild their homes and towns.
Andy gently took the baby, who had been pronounced fine, and Lizzie finally settled down to a well earned rest, safe in the knowledge that, out of utter devastation, there was always … HOPE!
Suzy sighed happily as she walked along the road, quietly taking in her surroundings and relishing the sounds of Japan. At last, against all the odds, her dream of visiting the country had come true. Ideally she would have liked to come in the summer, but you can’t have it all ways, can you? Being March, it was slightly colder than she would have liked but that was a small price to pay to actually be here.
Ever since she had been a little girl, Suzy had loved all things connected with Japan - even the food appealed to her, much to the amusement of the rest of her family who were very conservative in their tastes. British fish and chips was about their level!
She sighed. That was one of the few problems with this adventure - nobody had wanted to come with her, no matter how much she pleaded and cajoled. They just weren’t interested in culture or foreign travel. The minute she found out she had the money, she had booked this holiday for the first date available - alone!
She rubbed her back as she paused. She had arrived yesterday on her birthday, April 20th, after 18 years of wishing and hoping. Even that selfish boyfriend of hers had refused to come. Why couldn’t anyone, if not accept her love of Japan and the reasons she wanted to come, then at least respect them? She was always so accepting of their views …
She winced and had to stop walking for a minute. Her back was aching more than usual - she must have slept awkwardly, or maybe the long flight had something to do with it. She rubbed it gently, and sat down on the sea wall, waiting for it to pass. Closing her eyes, she smiled as she took in the sounds and smells that assailed her.
This really did feel like home, just as she’d hoped. She felt totally comfortable in her surroundings and, despite being blind, had a fair idea of what the place looked like because she had lived here hundreds of years ago - perhaps as far back as the 17th century. It was the life she had been happiest in but, until today, she had never been able to return. Although she didn’t know exactly what it looked like now, she concentrated on the sounds and smells which painted a vivid picture and created map of the area in her mind, which she could visualize easily.
That was one of the few good things about being blind - all the other senses seemed to strengthen as though they were sympathetic to her loss of eyesight and wanted to compensate in some way. Her sense of smell was particularly heightened, and she could hear a pin drop easily. This heightened awareness helped her to have a sense of her surroundings – she sometimes thought she was more aware than sighted people, as strange as that sounded. Obviously she still needed her white stick but that was only to help her find the pavements or any other obstacles.
She knew she was near the sea because she could taste the salt in the air. It took only a few seconds for her to position herself facing it - the salt in the air was less when she had her back to the sea. It was very strong now. She rubbed her back, harder this time. No, it had to be wind - or that sushi she’d eaten last night. The pain was making her feel slightly sick because it was increasing in its intensity.
She thought back to her life just 6 months earlier, and how different everything had been.
* * * * *
She had always been a bookish, quiet girl and rarely rebelled, even as a teenager. She would just skulk off to her room and slam the door shut behind her, or cut her eyes at the person who had upset her.
She had been happy with Gavin, her boyfriend of 2 years and hoped to marry him some day soon. He was so romantic! On Valentine’s Day this year, only a month ago, he had arrived at her house with a huge bouquet of red roses, hair slicked back and everyone told her he looked very handsome (“He scrubbed up well,” said her tactless father). Not content with flowers, he whisked her away to her favourite Japanese restaurant, even though he knew she would never see the inside of it for herself. He spent the evening describing everything in finite detail and explaining to her in simple terms where food was on the plate. “Sushi is at 2 o’clock,” he told her and went on to tell her how the waitresses were dressed and how the place was decorated. He had been so caring that night!
Suzy had been afraid to tell him that she was permanently blind now because she didn’t want him to walk away as most men his age would. She could remember how gentle he was with her when she plucked up the courage to tell him. Tears filled her eyes and she looked down at her knees, feeling his hands entwined in hers. She took a deep breath, her lips trembling and her heart pounding as she realized she couldn’t answer his question until he knew the full truth - she had to give him a way out if he wanted it.
“I would love to marry you Gavin. You’ve made me the happiest girl in the world. But I have to tell you something first. If you still want to marry me then we’ll set a date as soon as I get back from Japan.” She paused to collect her thoughts. “Although I function very well, I am limited. You know I had meningitis as a child and lost the sight in one eye?” He nodded and she felt him open his mouth to protest so she stopped it by putting her finger to his mouth. “Hush, let me finish. Well, shortly before I met you I was ill again - seems I’m dogged by health problems like the rest of my family. Anyway, I was beginning to get a lot of headaches and was tired all the time so I went to the doctor, not expecting anything to be seriously wrong. I thought maybe I was anaemic but the test results were a shock. I have Cancer and am diabetic but nobody realized until now. The diabetes could have been present since I was a child and that’s what affected my eyesight, but the Cancer is my main problem now. It has taken my sight forever. I will never again be able to see your handsome face, and when we are out together you will have to link me or I won’t know where you are - you know what you’re like for wandering off. I have taken a cookery course so I could still make your tea, but all of this is going to take a lot of adjusting to.
“I love you, Gavin, with all my heart, but I think you have a right to know what you’re letting yourself in for. Are you strong enough to take on this huge responsibility? Although I’ll be devastated, I will understand if you want to walk away now. You’ll find someone else who will be worthy of your love in time. If you stay, I’m worried that you will come to resent me.”
She could tell Gavin was completely shocked - this was the last thing he’d expected to hear. She’d had a few weeks to get used to the idea - she was still trying to adapt and accept it, if she was honest - but she had sprung this on him suddenly. He was as still as a statue as her cruel words settled in around him like a heavy cloak.
At the time he had assured her that nothing could stop him loving her, whether she was blind or not. He ran his hand through her long, dark hair, feeling sick when a chunk came through in his hands - a result of the chemotherapy she had already started. It wasn’t fair - she was so young and beautiful. She didn’t deserve to have to go through this. He made all the usual platitudes - that they’d find the best doctors, there must be some mistake, she could make it through this (that much she was certain of because she knew she would live to be an old woman). He’d kissed her softly as he left, his eyes full of tears which she felt on her cheeks.
For a few days he tried hard, doing everything he could to make her feel better - and irritating the hell out of her as he treated her with kid gloves. She kept telling him she wouldn’t break, and she had lived with reduced eyesight for many years so she would soon adapt, given a little time. One day she realized he was sat on the edge of his chair - he hadn’t wanted to pull the chair out enough to sit on in case she fell over it.
But that level of consideration could not continue forever. He was struggling to cope with this and became snappy, shouting at her over the least thing. They seemed to spend their life apologising to each other.
Then it was time to pack for Japan. She had been getting increasingly excited. Throughout her life she had been aware that she had once been a lovely Japanese girl who was a very talented artist - a passion she seemed to have carried over to this life. She knew she had been famous and if she went there she would be able to trace her roots, and maybe some of her descendants, although naturally she wouldn’t reveal that they were kind of related. It would be enough just to meet them.
Gavin, on the other hand, seemed to be becoming less enthralled by the idea as time went on until one night she forced the issue. She could feel the tears welling up now as she thought about the row they had had. Both had said things that were better left unsaid, unkind, hurtful accusations - and, in her case, unfair. The row shocked her because she didn’t know she had it in her - she usually just accepted other people’s decisions, no matter what effect it had on her, but this time she hit back. She did everything for others, but the first time she asked for it back she was told she was being selfish, expecting people to do her bidding. Apparently he had never wanted to go to Japan in the first place and now he had the perfect excuse not to go. He even had the gall to tell her he thought it would be too much for her! Suddenly something snapped and, with tears running down her face, she told him they were finished. It was their first ever row and she was frightened when he didn’t call her for a few days. That was one side of her personality that drove both of them crazy, her insecurity.
They made it up just before she left, of course, although it was touch and go because he had the cheek to tell her he knew she didn’t mean it and he was pleased she’d seen sense at last - she didn’t have to go to Japan, he would take her somewhere else, a tour of Europe perhaps, or Italy. But she didn’t want to go there and she had to accept that he didn’t want to compromise his opinions either.
He had taken her to the airport and they had a tearful farewell. She promised to call him when she got to the hotel and was then helped through airport security. She could feel his eyes on her as she left and knew he wouldn’t leave until the plane left, hoping she would change her mind at the last minute and not get on it.
* * * * *
But she had made it onto the plane with the help of the airport staff, and here she was, in Japan, facing the sea, frightened and alone. The chemo had left her feeling sick and emotional but she was in remission now, which was something to be thankful for.
What did she have to do to get rid of this pain? She had to be very careful what medication she took - but it seemed to be rolling around a bit so it must be wind. She took out the packet of love hearts sweets she always kept in her handbag in case of emergency. That should shift it.
She sat there in the sweltering sun, slowly relaxing after the stresses of the last few months. Suddenly she stiffened - what was that rumbling noise? She was pretty sure she wasn’t near to a railway station so it couldn’t be the famous bullet train! No, this was louder and seemed to be vibrating under her feet.
Seized with panic she turned around and fled the area as fast as she could. Whatever it was she didn’t like it! Her instincts had saved her numerous times in the past and she knew she couldn’t afford to ignore them this time. She knew she had to get away from the beach!
Obviously running was out of the question because she was likely to fall over, but she made sure she was headed away from the shore.
The roaring intensified and she thought she could hear people screaming. This was one time when being blind was frightening - she couldn’t see what was happening and could only use her rather vivid imagination. Her other senses (especially those of smell and taste) were working overtime and she was assailed by spinning images caused by her being able to taste, smell and hear so much at the same time. It became so confusing that it was simply a cacophony of noise.
Her mind went blank as she concentrated on just one goal - it was amazing how easy it was to cut off those senses when you were concentrating on something else - as she focussed intently on putting as much distance between herself and whatever was causing the rumbling.
Her heart seemed to be trying to hammer its way out of her chest so she was unable to comprehend what was happening when she was hit hard from behind by what felt like a camper van and a wave of water.
“Tsunami!” Her brain screamed, but that was all she could think before she was knocked unconscious.
What seemed like hours later she woke up, coughing an spluttering with no idea where she was or what had happened. All she knew when she came round was she was in more pain than she had ever experienced before - at least 2 broken bones, she thought, perhaps in her leg and arm. She knew she had been very wet because her clothes were still damp, especially her skirt. There was an intense pain in her back too - clearly those love hearts hadn’t done the trick.
The quality of the light had changed as well, making her think she had been unconscious for quite some time.
She was completely covered in debris - bits of wood and glass had reined over her and she was trapped. She couldn’t move an inch and started to scream for help, trying to push some of the wood way from her. Eventually it gave but more came down in its place - unknown to her it had been protecting her from the mess above. She suffered a full blown panic attack, something she hadn’t experienced since she was a child at school.
School … why did that seem important now? What had her schoolbooks said about enclosed spaces?
She calmed down as she mentally scanned the images of pages in her school science books, for the first time glad that she had a photographic memory. There it was! It wasn’t in a book at all, but her teacher, Dr Jackson, had told the class that there was sometimes a small pocket of air which kept victims alive as long as they didn’t use it up by screaming and panicking. She realized this was exactly what she had been doing and putting her life in danger.
She knew she would survive this - she had been told by a medium that, unlike many other lives she had led, this time she was going to live a very long life, something which pleased her immensely. If that was the case then all she had to do was sit tight … unless the medium was wrong, a little voice inside her head cried, trying its best to get her attention. But she wasn’t going to give tear the satisfaction and lay back, feeling strangely dreamy, wondering if she was going into shock.
It was cold and her skirt seemed to become even damper as time wore on. Perhaps she was lying in a very shallow river bank somewhere. The sound of water cascading seemed to have stopped now, which she hoped was a good sign.
She didn’t know how long she lay there, shivering, in pain and feeling uncomfortable, but eventually she heard a noise. At first she thought it was scratching - maybe the mice and rats had started rummaging around. But no, it sounded like there were voices above her and the debris seemed to be shifting slightly, as though someone was walking on it.
She listened hard, wondering whether they would hear her if she shouted or if she was simply wasting her precious pocket of air. Wincing at the pain of what felt like a punctured lung (she thought she could feel blood bubbling as she breathed), she took a deep breath - someone needed to know she was there. She could at least try or her biggest fear really would come true and she would die young once again.
Her voice sounded hoarse to her - almost unlike her own which she put down to the fact that her surroundings were altering sound. She couldn’t make out how far away the rescuers were but hopefully they would hear her if she continued to make some sort of noise.
To conserve her energy, Suzy tried to time her outbursts to every 15 minutes and she would let loose a scream that would rival the Wicked Witch of the West any day.
It seemed to be going darker and she became more afraid as she realized that it was evening now. The sun must have gone down a long time ago.
Then a miracle happened. She felt she had been down there forever and was beginning to doubt the wisdom of continuing to shout, when she heard it. A voice calling to her from the distance, telling her that help was on its way. He was trying to get to her but she needed to keep shouting so he would know he was in the right place.
She continued with renewed vigour, filled with joy and not even caring about the pain which seemed to be intensifying by the minute. At least when they took her to hospital she would given some drugs to help her with that, wouldn’t she?
It seemed like a lifetime before she sensed some movement above her. Clearly the rescuer was here. She was saved.
“Are you alright, sweetheart?”
The man sounded fairly young, not much older than her. She breathed a sigh of relief - she had half imagined an older man who would not be able to lift her.
“Yes, I’m OK. Keep digging right where you are.”
“I can see you! You’re pretty jammed in but you’ll be out of there soon, I promise.” He paused to get his breath back. “Thank God there’s somebody else around. I was digging myself out when I heard your faint shout. Sorry it took so long to get to you. Help is on its way.”
Her heart sank … he wasn’t going to save her.
“Sorry love … I should explain why I’m not exactly your Knight in Shining Armour but I can and will help you.” He crawled awkwardly through the gap and dropped down to sit beside her. “I have a detached retina which means that sometimes I can see, but more often than not I can’t - I don’t think that knock on the back of my head will have helped anything! I can’t see a thing now but I’m so used to being blind that I can do pretty much whatever I want. It’s not a disability really, it’s an ABILITY because I can hear, taste, smell and touch so much better.” At this he touched her face and she couldn’t help the bubble of laughter that came out her.
“You’re blind too? I don’t believe it!”
“I take it you’re blind - hang on, I think you’re quite badly hurt. We can talk while I’m checking you over but I can smell a lot of blood and … well, other stuff.” He wrinkled his nose and got to work, feeling along her body, searching for any serious injuries. He felt for a piece of wood, found her arm and gently rested it on it, correctly identifying it was badly broken. He acted on instinct, calmly sensing any major problems and trying to find the bleeding.
“You’re skirt is soaking, love.”
“I know - am I in a stream or something?”
“No, I think you’re on the pavement but it’s hard to be sure. It feels like concrete below you. The wetness seems to be blood - I wish I could see properly. Where is the worst of the pain? Don’t move whatever you do. I have utilized an alarm to say I need help so somebody will be here soon. In the meantime I will stay with you. Two of us together will be less frightened than we would on our own.”
“Thank you, that’s very kind.” Stupidly she added, “Are you sure I’m not keeping you?”
“Not at all,” he laughed. “I don’t think either of us can go anywhere for a while. You were trapped below me. I couldn’t leave you here though, I had to check you were OK.”
“I really appreciate that – some people would have just looked after their own interests and scarpered. What happened back there, do you know? Was it a Tsunami?”
He nodded, sagely. “I reckon so. Bad one too, to trap me down here - we are quite high up you know - I never go down to the beach. Is that where you were?”
She nodded, speechless, until she realized he couldn’t see her. “Yes, but I started to run … I don’t remember much. OOOWWWWWWWWWWW!”
“Hey, are you OK?”
“Do I SOUND OK?! I’ve been having pains in my back all day which I put down to the sushi but they are so much worse now. Please, hold my hand. I’m frightened.”
He reached out, searching for her hand and then grasping it tightly. The grip was a source of strength for both of them, a reassurance that they were in this together.
The smell of blood was too strong to ignore now and he pressed his alarm again, despite being sure they would respond shortly. He breathed a sigh of relief when he felt it buzz back, a sign they had heard and could trace the signal at last. He wished he could speak to them and explain he was not alone and the person he was with seemed badly injured, then they could arrange an ambulance or something - at least he knew they would both be safe soon.
The pains were intensifying and pure terror ripped through Suzy. What was wrong with her? If this was her time of the month - and it could be - it seemed to be particularly bad. Without warning she got the urge to push - that was bizarre but she couldn’t help herself.
The pains came more frequently and she was bathed in sweat but still they wouldn’t let up. Then it came to her as a bolt from the blue. She had seen all those videos (well, heard them mostly, she kept her eyes closed throughout most of them) but she hadn’t had any of the symptoms. She’d put on a little bit of weight around her midriff but nothing to be alarmed about - shouldn’t she have put weight on her tummy? She hadn’t missed a period, so far as she could tell … but there was no mistaking what was happening - the wetness was not sea water. Her waters had broken and now she was bleeding because SHE WAS HAVING A BABY! The scream rent the air as realization hit her. She knew Gavin was not ready for children - in fact, he’d made it clear that he didn’t want any. How would he react when he was presented with his son or daughter?!
Thank God that this stranger - he had told her his name was Andy - was here. It had to be Fate. He was so strong and calm, exactly what she needed at the moment. After the terror, another emotion engulfed her - a surreal calm.
“Andy, I need your help but it may be embarrassing …”
“I’ll do whatever I can, love. Don’t worry.”
“I don’t know if you’ve realized what is going on, but I think I’m having a baby. Can you check below my skirt and tell me what’s happening? Oh sorry, I -!”
“No trouble, but I’ll have to check by touch. Bear with me. I’ve got long arms so I’ll keep hold of you with one hand if that will help.”
With that he reached over and lifted her skirt, freezing for an instant when he felt the lump which was clearly the baby’s head coming through.
“Suzy, I’ve got a knife in my pocket - don’t worry, it’s a pen knife and it’s more a keepsake than anything useful because it was a gift from my father. I’m going to have to cut off your underwear or you will strangle this little baby. Is that OK?”
“Fine, just do what you have to do.”
Some minutes later she gave an almighty push and a beautiful baby girl slithered onto Andy’s hands. He felt around her, checking as best he could to see she was OK and accidentally clearing the mucus away. There was a horrible silence but then she let out her first cry and Suzy joined her, weeping with relief.
Andy handed the baby girl to her mother and the two bonded together, the little girl feeding off her mother, blissfully unaware of the drama of her birth.
“Hello, little one. You’re a wonderful surprise! I didn’t expect to be bringing a baby home from my holiday. You might have to have a Japanese birth certificate, how about that?
“What are you going to call her?” asked Andy softly, almost unwilling to break into this beautiful moment with mother and daughter.
Lizzie didn’t hesitate. “Hope,” she said. “After everything we’ve been through - you and this country included - she is like a symbol of hope that everything will be OK. Does that sound silly?”
“Not at all! I agree with you!”
The trio settled down into quiet, contemplative silence while Suzy rested. Occasionally, when she felt up to it, they would talk and she discovered that they had a lot in common. Because of the stress she didn’t register at first, but now he mentioned that he came from her home town she recognised his accent. He was on holiday here too, he said, recovering from a broken relationship.
It took a while but slowly, bit by bit, she realised that he was related to Gavin - his brother, in fact! That had been one reason that Gavin had felt awkward about dealing with her blindness - he already had a brother who was going through it and struggled to cope with that. He didn’t want to be carer to two people.
Well, now he was carer to at least two - if not three people. Hope needed her father and his brave brother would be a great role model for both of them. He was an inspiration to people who were afraid to try things just because they were blind.
Andy had never given up his travel dreams just because of his disabilities - he accepted them as a challenge to be overcome. She smiled - he would make a perfect uncle … regardless of whether Gavin stepped up to the mark.
At that moment they heard a commotion and Andy smiled - the rescuers were here at last.
It took a couple of hours to dig their way to Suzy but once they got there they quickly assessed the situation and got all three of them out to safety before calling for an air ambulance to take them to hospital. Andy accepted the well earned congratulations for delivering the baby safety and grinned, wondering if they thought he was the father.
It was only when they got onto the air ambulance and Suzy was told what had happened and how much damage the tsunami had done, that she realized just how lucky they had been.
Tears of sadness poured down her face and she clutched her baby closely as she thought of all the lives that had been changed and devastated that day. The whole area was destroyed and it felt as though Hope really did symbolize that there may be survivors in the wreckage of what had once been a beautiful country. As soon as she got back to England, despite knowing she was going to have her hands full, she was determined to raise some money to help the Japanese rebuild their homes and towns.
Andy gently took the baby, who had been pronounced fine, and Lizzie finally settled down to a well earned rest, safe in the knowledge that, out of utter devastation, there was always … HOPE!